a week in oklahoma

the sight of: horses and sheep and cows on the oklahoma countryside, jacktown (which ive heard so much about), davids momma working hard at her bible study, adorable little blonde-haired Meleah and Mallory, David as a little boy in countless pictures i got to look through, utter excitment on my 26 years old's face as he walked through the Toy and Action Figure museum (http://www.actionfiguremuseum.com/), a old lacey wedding dress that made my sweetie gag (haha), serveral pics on walls in memory of sweet Amy, pictures lining the walls of Grandma A's, David's loving and sweet face, numerous crossword puzzles,

the smell of: sausage and eggs prepared for me by David's mom in the morning (so sweet, thank you),

the taste of: Carl's junior charbroiled hamburger, a ABSOLUTELY incredible Peanut Butter Cup shake from Braums (yum), my chopped beef sandwich from Rob's Smokehouse, and my yummy tacos (with sauce!) from Taco Tico, amazing crushed ice anywhere you go Meeker/Shawnee, nasty cough syrup,

the feel of: riding a water taxi along the canal in Bricktown, with my baby's arm around me, a cool day and breeze as we walk through OBU and downtown Shawnee, a nasty cough residing in my chest, my too-good-to-me boyfriend rubbing VicksVaporRub on my feet so that my cough would go away, frustration because I can barely speak above a whisper, moching,

the sound of: a storm blowing strongly outside, LOST on the televsion *and internet*, David as he 'hosts' Family Feud for me, Grandma R explaining her bowling traditions to me, Grandma A telling me how her and Grandpa A met, Ricky telling me he is proud of me, Transformers on in the background at the Toy Museum, David's incredible "mix" for our road trip

Graduation!

the sight of: David in his black cap and gown, my mother meeting his mother for the first time, my sweet brother's chocolate brown eyes, my daddy's blue-check shirt, David's life-changing smile...

the taste of: jumbalaya and gumbo, mint oreos in my chocolate ice cream, sweet tea, and mocha flavored coffee, hamburger and fries at five guys, cherry coke...

the feel of: my hand in his, his arm around me, utter pride as he walks across the stage, anxiety as all our families meet for the first time, creativity as I make a mother's day gift...

the smell of: cornbread cooking in the oven, my clinque moisturizer, coffee brewing at the Picards, spray adhesive as I get my 'craft' on...

the sound of: "I love you" "nice to meet you" "3 back at the door," clapping at graduation, "let's dance" playing on the radio as David and I jam in the car...

Wisdom

James 3.13-17 (go read the whole chapter, or better yet... the whole book...)
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.

Truths:
Humility comes from wisdom.
There is fake wisdom that is earthly, unspiritual and from the devil.
Envy and selfishness lead to disorder and evil.
There is true wisdom that comes from heaven.
True discernment leads to peace, submissiveness, mercy, and more....

Is our 'wisdom' earthly, unspiritual, and from the devil?
OR
Is our wisdom pure? Is it peace-loving? Is it considerate? Is it submissive? Is it merciful? Is it fruitful? Is it impartial? Is it sincere?

We often seek wisdom and discernment, but what if we are seeking it incorrectly? What if we are seeking worldly wisdom?
When trying to make a decision, when trying to do what's best, we can present these things before YHWH and ask: Is this pure? Is this sincere? Is it merciful? This may not solve all our problems or answer all our questions, but it will put us on a correct and right path.

May we be wise, understanding, and discerning as we follow...

A Sign of God's Grace and Goodness

After an intense season of hardship and waiting and even some depression, God showered me with even more grace than he has already given me: He lifted my spirit. His changing my heart is almost impossible to explain; I don't know what it was or when exactly that it happened. But I know that He did it and He alone. And I cannot begin to explain how grateful I am. His grace was offered to me when He lifted my countenance and restored my joy. This grace, this restoration of joy, played out in several ways. One of those ways is David. David is a sign of God's goodness and grace to me. He will always stand as a marker of a work that He did in my life.

From the very beginning of our relationship, David has taught me about patience. I remember hearing about people messing with him, and even me, about how we were not moving faster... it was one of those things where it was clear that we liked each other, but we didn't jump into this dating world automatically. I so appreciated David's pace; it is one of the first things that struck me about him. David cared about me enough to be willing to wait to ask for my phone number, to wait to ask me for coffee, to wait to ask me to be his girlfriend. He didn't rush anything, and we are better for it.

I had lunch at Pei Wei the other day and my fortune said "The pleasure of what we enjoy is lost by wanting more." There is something to be said for enjoying the moment, living in the present, and embracing the fullness of what is, and not cheapening it by thinking about what will be or rushing towards it. David inspires me to do this.

He's taught me that by waiting for things we place a significance and importance on them. If we were to rush ahead and spoil things immediately, we lose part of the pleasure. If we wait, and fully experience something when it is good and right, it will be all the better than had we rushed ahead.

Paul is always encouraging the church to be content with what is. We would do good to heed these words. (*Don't get me wrong, I think it is good to hope things, but it should not overtake us so much that we do not enjoy now... )

At the beginning our relationship David spoke about how he wanted our love and our care for each other to be selfless. David spoke clearly about this conviction, and I was grateful for a man who wanted to love me for my sake and not his own. Even though this is at the root of the idea of love, this is still revolutionary to me. Because of this, we are able to step back and think about our motives, for everything we do and say. Am I doing this because it is an overflow of my care for David? Or am I doing it for me? And if I am, how can I change my heart to better care for him? What if everything we did was out of love and a desire to serve, to better the other person? We would be more like Christ, and we would all be better for it (not to mention, YHWH would get more glory out of this...)

I am overwhelmed with gratitude to be in relationship with a man who has thought about these things. I will never forget this lesson about love. I can apply it to anyone that I come in contact with.

David is fiercely loyal. He is supportive of me as I wonder about going to school in another city. He tells me that I will be his, where I live is just a detail. He doesn't drop me as soon as things become inconvenient. He is standing by my side, and I have never been so happy. I only hope that I can be as loyal as a friend as this...

David wants the best for people. Even though he tells me that he wants me to stay next year, he tells me that more importantly he wants me to do what is right, even if it is hard. He is willing to deny himself to better others (Just for the record, I'm not saying that my being away from David is for my better :) I'm pretty sure its not... I feel confident that anybody is better off the closer they are to David!!!) He is sacrificial.

David is bold and strong in his convictions. When I am tempted to blur the line, or let things slide, David wants to stand strong in what he believes to be good and right, even when it is difficult, and perhaps, especially when it is difficult.

David is an honorable and good man. He inspires me daily.

Guilt vs Conviction

2 Corinthians 7:8-11 - The Message

"I know I distressed you greatly with my letter. Although I felt awful at the time, I don't feel at all bad now that I see how it turned out. The letter upset you, but only for a while. Now I'm glad—not that you were upset, but that you were jarred into turning things around. You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss. Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets. And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart."

When we find ourselves in sin, it seems common that our initial reaction when coming out of said sin, is guilt. We sense guilt over what happened, what we let happen, and in turn something in us wants to change... For so long I felt like this guilt was okay. Now, I was not a believer of wallowing in it or letting it take over us, but to some degree, I felt like this guilt was okay, because it showed the Holy Spirit's work in a person's life. If there was no guilt or regret present at all about a wrong-doing, then we should be concerned!

However, I'm beginning to think differently. Perhaps, a better word for guilt is 'conviction.' Perhaps I should be grateful for the Holy Spirit's conviction in a believer's lives, but not the guilt. Conviction "jarr(s us) into turning things around." Conviction "gets us back in the way of salvation." Guilt will simply overpower us, if we let it. Guilt will lead us to a "deathbed of regrets." I will never forget a professor who told us that our feeling guilt admits in us a belief that we have to "earn" His grace.

And to take things a step further, we need to stop wrestling with the guilt. Andrew Murray, in his book "Experiencing the Holy Spirit" deals with the effect of the self-life on the Holy Spirit's work. Chapter 5 of this book, "How the Blessing is Hindered" deals with our tendency to try to solve our own problems of selfishness, to bulk up our own desire for discipline... If we would simply stop wrestling with the guilt, stop trying to solve our own problems or willing ourselves towards change, and instead spent that time laying down our lives before the One and Only, perhaps then, and only then, we would begin to see the work and conviction of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

May we be grateful for the conviction in our lives. May we move past the guilt and the desire to problem-solve. May we get in the habit of denying ourselves, even in those things that are seemingly unimportant, and ask, whole-heartedly and expectantly, for Him to do a work in our lives. May we be, as the Scripture says, " more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible."

Fasting for Others

The idea of fasting is popular this time of year since we approached the season of Lent yesterday. I've been thinking lots about fasting: what it means for us, for others, what its purpose truly is.

Mark Driscoll, pastor at Mars Hill church, defines fasting as "the voluntary act of abstaining from something for the purpose of growing in self-discipline, which is the essence of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ."
http://theresurgence.com/Spiritual_Disciplines_Fasting

As we grow in self-discipline as we fast, what if we oriented this idea towards others? What if we took our sacrifice, and asked YHWH to honor it by blessing someone else? What if this season we abstain from something, something that is dear to us, but what if we did it because our heart is so breaking for someone who doesn't know Jesus in truth?

Do we fast because we are heartbroken over sin? Are we devastated with the misguidance and misconceptions of Christ and his followers in our world? Do we, with every emotion in us, long for redemption, reconciliation?

What if, with every "sweet" that I refrained from, I thought of my dear friend, my dear friend that doesn't know Jesus in truth, that is misguided in her love for Him? What if I denied myself, begging YHWH for her redemption and salvation?

So, ask yourself, what is the purpose of your fast? Why do we do it?

Our hope and prayer is that we would grow closer to YHWH, that we would come to know Him in a more real way, that we would become selfless in our sacrifice.

Loving Well

My dad loves really well.

We meet several times a week to go to the on-campus Starbucks. There is a woman who works there; she's there every time we are. My dad has taken it upon himself to love on this lady... he doesn't know her, but he has such compassion for her, not in way that he pities her, but in a way that shows that he is genuinely interested in her life.
He knows her name, he knows her favorite drink from Starbucks, he knows that she had a bad fall over Christmas break and lost her baby.

Did I know this? Does anyone else, out of all the people that stop by that Starbucks all day long??

I'm so grateful for my dad's love for people. It is a picture of God's love for us all. I want to be more like my heavenly Father and earthly Father. I want to love people. I want to stop and love people.

I want to wonder about the woman at Starbucks, the couple at the table next to me in the restaurant, the teller at the bank... I wonder if they know Jesus, I wonder if they know He loves them, I wonder if they feel welcomed and loved by Christians, or looked over?

I led a DNow this weekend where the theme was "LiveLove." Do I live love? Did I live love towards this woman by never caring about her or giving her a second thought?

May I be a woman who lives love....