I read this quote about how we were made for the eternal, how we long for it, and when we hurt, its usually because something changed or didn't last. I've been thinking about how true that is... I want things that won't change and won't end... but the only thing that can be that for me is Jesus. and so I guess it's made me grateful (even more so) for Him.
I have a friend upset with me. She wrote me a letter telling me I have pulled back; I haven't been a friend to her lately. I haven't allowed her to be a friend to me. I didn't mean to hurt her. I hate that it happened. but its made me realize that not only the world we live in is broken, but I'm broken too.
I think I'm pretty good at hoping things/seeing things for people and for situations, and when it doesn't happen, or we fall short of what can be, I feel so burdened. I needed a wake up call that I'm not Savior. Does that make sense at all? I guess it seems pretty obvious but I needed to learn it.
and through thinking about this, I feel forgiveness with someone who hurt me. I've heard this person's heart and I know that it doesn't like brokenness anymore than the next person. We are all broken. we all long for the eternal, but until then...we aren't ....we are learning to live in the brokenness, learning to be redeemed...
Friday, May 30, 2008
reflections in preparation for china
We sat quietly, divided into groups of two or three; we were going to pray over the maps. The maps, representative of each country we would be going to, were spread out over the room. We were to pray for the people of that country, and for those in our youth group who would go to that particular location. Though I was wanting to go on the Russia trip, I was put in the group that prayed for China. Little did I know, that time of prayer was to change my life. Sitting there, my eyes scanning the vast country that is China, God changed my heart. That Friday evening, six years ago, God put China on my heart, and it has been there ever since.
Flying to China for the first time was very surreal. I knew it was happening, but I couldn't fully grasp what it meant for my life (I'm not even sure I can fully grasp it now!) I remember going through complete culture shock. Being surrounded by Chinese voices was overwhelming, and a bit frustrating. Landing in the airport, I remember being frightened about the Bibles in my suitcase. Was I allowed to have those? We were going to be kicked out before our journey even began? My eyes glanced ahead in the airport; we were walking towards this wall that said "CUSTOMS" in big letters. I was just sure we were to be stopped. But as if He was parting the Red Sea, we walked right through. No one stopped us; we were in!
I was excited by all that I saw in China but the most joyous experience on my trip was meeting Li Fe. We had arrived at the orphanage that morning, and the workers were taking us around room to room. We stopped in a classroom where a group of children sat peeling garlic. One young girl, looked up, gripping me with her eyes, and all of a sudden, I felt so comfortable. Looking in that Li Fe's eyes, I felt more at home in China that I ever thought that I could. Though we couldn't speak the same language, we soon become fast friends. We live on opposite sides of the world, we speak different languages, and yet, we've been united and re-united 3 times! Only our God could orchestrate something as amazing as this. Though I rarely see Li Fe, I feel confident that she feels loved, and that's what's most important. Our going there in the first place, and then continuing to go back, shows a steadfast love for her. Li Fe is loved by her God in this way. I feel humbled that He would use me to help show her that.
I read a book once about a group of Chinese students who, years ago, prayed over a map of China. During their time of prayer, God called several of them to the XianXiang province. When I read this, I got a glimpse (just a glimpse!) of God's overarching and magnificent plan. His plan isn't just about the youth group and where they will go. His plan is bigger than that. Reaching these nations is something He has been doing since the beginning of time in ways that we cannot imagine. For whatever reason (certainly it's not because we are worthy....), He's asked us to participate. He's asked us to join the movement. He's asked us to love people.
Each trip I've taken to China has been special, but there was something unique about the first one. I remember waking up in China one morning, amazed at the fact that I had friends in 5 different countries at that time. That's not something that happens everyday! Only our God, in His majesty, could have so intricately worked out such a plan.... to Him be the glory!
"Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations that do not know you will hasten to you, because of the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, for he has endowed you with splendor." Isaiah 55.5
Flying to China for the first time was very surreal. I knew it was happening, but I couldn't fully grasp what it meant for my life (I'm not even sure I can fully grasp it now!) I remember going through complete culture shock. Being surrounded by Chinese voices was overwhelming, and a bit frustrating. Landing in the airport, I remember being frightened about the Bibles in my suitcase. Was I allowed to have those? We were going to be kicked out before our journey even began? My eyes glanced ahead in the airport; we were walking towards this wall that said "CUSTOMS" in big letters. I was just sure we were to be stopped. But as if He was parting the Red Sea, we walked right through. No one stopped us; we were in!
I was excited by all that I saw in China but the most joyous experience on my trip was meeting Li Fe. We had arrived at the orphanage that morning, and the workers were taking us around room to room. We stopped in a classroom where a group of children sat peeling garlic. One young girl, looked up, gripping me with her eyes, and all of a sudden, I felt so comfortable. Looking in that Li Fe's eyes, I felt more at home in China that I ever thought that I could. Though we couldn't speak the same language, we soon become fast friends. We live on opposite sides of the world, we speak different languages, and yet, we've been united and re-united 3 times! Only our God could orchestrate something as amazing as this. Though I rarely see Li Fe, I feel confident that she feels loved, and that's what's most important. Our going there in the first place, and then continuing to go back, shows a steadfast love for her. Li Fe is loved by her God in this way. I feel humbled that He would use me to help show her that.
I read a book once about a group of Chinese students who, years ago, prayed over a map of China. During their time of prayer, God called several of them to the XianXiang province. When I read this, I got a glimpse (just a glimpse!) of God's overarching and magnificent plan. His plan isn't just about the youth group and where they will go. His plan is bigger than that. Reaching these nations is something He has been doing since the beginning of time in ways that we cannot imagine. For whatever reason (certainly it's not because we are worthy....), He's asked us to participate. He's asked us to join the movement. He's asked us to love people.
Each trip I've taken to China has been special, but there was something unique about the first one. I remember waking up in China one morning, amazed at the fact that I had friends in 5 different countries at that time. That's not something that happens everyday! Only our God, in His majesty, could have so intricately worked out such a plan.... to Him be the glory!
"Surely you will summon nations you know not, and nations that do not know you will hasten to you, because of the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, for he has endowed you with splendor." Isaiah 55.5
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